i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
