You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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