wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
