I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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