Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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