I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
