Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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