please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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