I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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