i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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