heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
