someone threw a dead crab at me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize