My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
