I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
