Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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