4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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