By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
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My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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