Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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