I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
