I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
