i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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