first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
