Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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