I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
