I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
