Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
