My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
