i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
