So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
