I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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