Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
