Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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