Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
