In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Panties = found
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