Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
