Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
