Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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