Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
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I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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