seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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