saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
