And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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