Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
