You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
