I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
