Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
