I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
