I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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