My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
