he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
