I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
