Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
