Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize