Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
