4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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