Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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