I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
