You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
