I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
