you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
