No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
