SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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