Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
