Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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