i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
