Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
