You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
